We The Fhakars: Pornography and Prostitution to be legalized in India.

The Indian Government has finally decided to legalize pornography and prostitution much like the countries of Singapore and Amsterdam. The Government, further, plans to apologize, for its inability to provide sufficient lucrative options to cater to the national sexual needs and has promised the distribution of sufficiently provocative materials at every Ration Stores, health clubs and Hospitals, catering to the deprived BPL community. Special subsidies and Income Tax rebates on commercial sex are few of the agendas to be addressed under the compensation drive. The Central Government has launched a National Initiative named “We The Fhakars”, aimed at providing substantial sexual privileges to the barbaric youths of India, who, due to the skewed sex ratio and unavailability of easy fun, seems to be attacking young women in large groups, raping and often killing the victim. “National Geographic Channel”, plans to shoot a documentary on the new emerging breed of Sexual predators, born out of a probable union between Homo-Sapiens and the Rhesus Monkey.

This assumption, however, is not be confused with the “Monkey-Man of Delhi”, which plagued the National Capital in early 2001. Anil Kapoor , who was falsely accused of being the “Monkey” beast ,owing to his awesome body hair , has vehemently reacted to National Geographic’s reference to the “Monkey-Man”. “It brings back old memories of the demeaning Police Examinations and brutal insults, especially now, when my International career seems to be soaring high” – expressed Anil Kapoor at one of the “Mission Impossible 4” Press Conferences.

Pinky Pramanick, the successful Indian Track Athlete , another victim of Police mal-handling (groping), Sex Examination in almost-public view and male constables, resulting in stray MMS clippings and month long obscene humiliation, has supported the afore-mentioned Anil Kapoor’s statement. “My life won’t be the same ever again. My self-respect and chastity has been publicly outraged” – Pinky confessed, tear rolling down her cheeks.

Legendary Australian Spinner Shane Warne, who had been infamous for his sexual escapades with several unwilling ladies and also a handicapped kangaroo, has been quick with his witty reaction on FB – “Pinky should have been a cricketer. We are rich and influential. No one messes with us…LOL.” Shahid Afridi, Kevin Peterson, Baba Nityananda (Actress Ranjita scandal) and 100 crore other Indian ‘liked’ the status.

The epidemic of Indian Lust quotient going haywire has finally drawn National Attention. “Seems we Indian just can’t keep our 8 inches (or whatever size it is) in control. It keeps messing with our demented brains. Aamaro Bhoy Bhoy Lage aajkal.” – Added acclaimed Bengali Film director Rituparno Ghosh. Students stripped by School authorities repeatedly in presence of fellow teachers and students. Pre-Teens girls groped and molested by mob for a good 30 minutes as by-watchers and News personnel video record the event. Horror tales of Rapes and murders at a Mental Asylum in West Bengal, run by a NGO in collaboration with Central government. Andaman Islanders forced to dance naked for tourists in exchange of food and little cash. “Petrol Price hike is a government conspiracy to demotivate rapes in moving cars. This is unacceptable. ” – expressed Kader Khan , prime accused in the Park Street Moving Car Rape Case , who has supposedly managed to frame a perfect alibi to escape the Strong “Legal fangs”. He had stayed with longtime Girlfriend and Tollywood starlet Nusrat Jahan, at a Mumbai Hotel on February 18^th, the day his three friends were arrested in Kolkata. “Men will be Men. We love to fuck around. What’s wrong in that? It’s a natural instinct” – Dhananjoy chatterjee , had supposedly SMSed one of his friend , minutes before being hanged , in connection to the Rape and Murder of a 14 year old Kolkata girl.

According to insiders, Sunny Leone, the popular American pornstar has been appointed the brand Ambassador of “We The Fhakars”. Poonam Pandey, the lesser known model, who had been ever benevolent in offering a public strip show, to showcase her patriotism and dedication towards the countries World Cup win, has also been roped in, after influential recommendations by two eminent board members of the “We The Fhakars”, namely Lakshman Savdi and C C Patil, the two BJP ministers in Karnataka, who were caught watching porn film clip at the State Legislative Assembly.  Meanwhile in West Bengal , the chief Minister , at a social rally , goofed up Sunny (Leone) for Sunny Deol and said – “Shanny to shei Ghadar tubewell dhore tana tani korchilo” (Referring to the famous “Tubewell” scene from Sunny Deol’s internationally acclaimed movie ‘Gadar’).

News from tinsel town , has that Madhur Bhandarkar , best known for his ‘social issue’ movies such as “Page 3” , “Corporate” and “Fashion” , plans  his next new unnamed venture on the benefits of Sexual violations. He finally plans to provide the long-promised “break” to Preeti Jain, the small time actress, who accused Madhur of Sexual Abuse in 2004. The male lead would be played by the well-deserving, Bollywood bad guy, Shakti Kapoor. “Aoooo..Bhagawan Ke liye mujhe Chor do”, the probable movie tagline. The role of an honest police officer would be played by Damayanti Sen, an IPS and joint commissioner of Kolkata Police, Crime branch. Being shunned out of Kolkata Police, post her commendable and quick single-handed breakthrough in the Park Street Gang Rape investigation, Damayanti, has resorted, to an acting career, where she can play, an honest Police Officer, without chances of transfers. The Political and criminal fraternity has appaulsed Damayanti’s brave switch from Real Police job  to Reel Police job and promised full support to Madhur in his next project.

We are all so sorry. Sorry for the victims. Sorry for the scars. Sorry for the public mockery. Sorry for the Country.

N.B:: Most of the information produced in the above write-up are (un)true to the best of my knowledge and are meant to pass a social message , and not to cause harm or insult to any law abiding individual , living , in this real Fucked Up country of ours. Thanks.